So the 71st Golden Globes aired last night and I must say I was a little underwhelmed (especially considering half the night was devoted to folks trekking their way to the stage). Three hours, a few boozed celebs, too little Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, and an eleventh hour win for 12 Years a Slave, and that was all she wrote. But despite the limited camera shots of Idris Elba there were some standout moments and here they are.
1. Lupita Nyong’o in a cape and mid-top fade are everything.
2. Emma Stone makes poor fashion decisions.
3. So does Zoe Saldana.
4. Uh, did we forget about Fruitvale Station?
5. Diddy parties are so intense you don’t even remember you were there.
6. The further from the stage you are, the better your chances of winning.
7. Diane Keaton in a suit will never get boring. Ever.
8. But Diane Keaton accepting a Lifetime Achievement award for Woody Allen and singing childhood songs is.
9. Amy Poehler makes does a great pubescent boy named Randy.
10. Even when he sits in a chair for three hours, Idris Elba is still amazing (if only he was wearing a bow tie).
11. Apparently blue suits are making a big comeback.
12. Just as I was preparing a scathing rant on the Golden Globes’ blatant disregard of black talent, 12 Years a Slave won Best Motion Picture Drama so I wrote this post instead.
13. I don’t really know Jared Leto but he seems like he’d be into some really freaky stuff.
14. Pregnant women do not get a pass on bad fashion (even you Drew Barrymore).
15. I still don’t get the excitement with “Gravity.”
16. Every time Paula Patton wears this, a wedding cake looses a tier.
17. I really wanted the cab driver turned Somali pirate from Captain Phillips to win something.
18. If her front is any indication of her backside, Tina Fey could potentially have a donk.
19. According to just about every winner, particularly Jennifer Lawrence, winning a Golden Globe is terrifying.
20. Where can I find what Jacqueline Bisset was drinking?
21. If the Golden Globes are any indication of the Oscars, grab your glasses folks because we’re in for a blinding whiteout.