Excuse Me While I Have A Jessie Spano Moment

Finally, a moment. It’s been a while since I’ve had one of these. I’m not talking about those moments that leave us somewhere in the midst of our feelings and a Chipotle burrito bowl, but rather those moments where we can exhale as opposed to stressing and frustrating over all of life’s ish that tends to weigh us down.

To my loyal readers (many shouts out to all of you), I’m sure you’ve noticed Adore Colour’s steam has slowed down a bit this summer. Well, that’s because muva has been working hard. By night I Sheppard this amazing blog and by day, I have a 9-5. Not a bad 9-5, I actually enjoy my job, but it is pretty time consuming, and these past few months I have been fully enveloped in it. You see, Monday-Friday, for about 9-11 hours a day I do PR and marketing, and with that comes a decent amount of travel. Fast forward to this summer, which has been #WorkOnFleek. Hotels, airplanes, meeting and greeting, and more sketchy Uber drivers than I can count, it’s been a nonstop grind. And while I appreciate the lituation happening with my Rapid Rewards, truth is I’m tired.

I’ll never talk about this lady again. I get it Tamela. I get it.

Well, tired and also behind AF on life. Friends, family, cleaning, overall health and wellness, you name it and I’m 30 days past due.

There’s no time, there’s never any time.”

You see, I suffer from this slight problem I like to call “I just ‘wanna be great-itis.” Common in black women, such as myself, who just want to conquer the world, ideally before the age of 35, symptoms include uncontainable ambition, a grind mentality beyond belief and a suffocating feeling of failure when, if even for a moment, our reality fails to meet the expectations and plans we have set for ourselves.

For some reason I really thought I could travel the country for 5 weeks straight, work 12-13 hour days, and still find the time and mental clarity to maintain a website, grow my personal brand, end world hunger, memorize “Bodak Yellow” and give bonus points to myself for beginning my journey to snatched.

But apparently it was all too much for my normal human self to do and boy did that make me feel some type of way. I hate defeat. I hate admitting I can’t do it all. I hate admitting sometimes I have to put off what I want to do, to do what I have to do (which in this case was getting money and keeping my job. A non-negotiable I’m sure all of you with side hustles understand). Super women do it all, right? Super women, never get tired, right? Super women proceed through life with a Bey-like mentality, right? They single-handedly run the world, pausing only for a split second to pop out a baby, stunt on us mere mortals with the ultimate snapback, and then return to the Iron Throne a week later, right?

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

And so here I was, in this space, five miles to empty and drowning in what I perceived as failures, but were actually just unavoidable realities. Why do I put this pressure on myself? Why do I compare the checkmarks of my things to do list to social media for validation, as if seeing someone’s new car, job promotion or annoyingly cute selfie and eyebrow arch will confirm that I’m doing the right thing the right way? I swear I go through this ebb and flow of “I’m not where I need to be” at least every 3 months, and it’s exhausting. And quite frankly there are better things I could be exhausted by, like good sex, a run on the treadmill, or listening to an entire Taylor Swift album (God bless you all who are able to willingly spend your free time listening to this girl).

So let’s make a pledge, a pledge to chill the heck out, if only for a little while — a pledge to recognize we are awesome and that awesome people don’t need to live for the grind every hour, minute and second of the day. A pledge to pray instead of panic, and to seek counsel in times of turmoil versus playing into our own fears and insecurities. I’m trying and I know you are so let’s find comfort in that. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your empire.

Leave a Reply