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For Men Like DJ Khaled Who Eat Everything in the House but the Pu$$y

Men are like Brian McKnight songs. They’re some good ones, some bad ones and some really stupid ones (remember that whole YouPorn theme song thing?). The latter is where we’ll rest DJ Khaled until further notice.

A couple of weeks ago the music producer and eternal narrator of all of my life’s major accomplishments raised eyebrows when a 2015 The Breakfast Club interview resurfaced in which Khaled revealed that he does not perform oral sex on women because there are “different rules for men” when it comes to sex.

“A woman should praise the man — the king,” said the 42-year-old rapper. “If you holding it down for your woman, I feel like the woman should praise. And a man should praise the queen. But you know, my way of praising is called, ‘How was dinner?’, ‘You like the house you living in? You like all them clothes you getting?”

Khaled also said it wouldn’t be okay for a woman to refuse to perform oral sex on a man, and after being outright asked if he “goes down” on women, responded:

“Nahhh. Never! I don’t do that…It’s different rules for men,” he said. “You gotta’ understand, we the king. There’s some things that y’all might not wanna do, but it got to get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.”

First of all, can someone please slide this man a copy of “Conjunction Junction.” While set against the backdrop of Janelle Monae’s “PYNK,” can that same person then tell Khaled it’s 2018 and the female vagina is the root of all things splendid in the world. I understand the man is a Weight Watcher but got dang. Maybe he thinks pussy will throw off his daily points, which would explain all the fodder, however I’m pretty sure it fits just fine within the Freestyle program and lends itself to a great low impact oral workout. As a fellow Weight Watcher, I wonder what Oprah thinks of this? Surely, this isn’t living your best life.

While worthy of a hefty eye roll, I’m not even mad at the don’t eat pussy thing. We all have our sexual limits (I for one have no plans of joining the grocery movement), so I get it. If it ain’t for you, it ain’t for you (although I do believe people who vehemently wage war on the act of oral sex have yet to perform or receive it right, IJS). The bigger issue here is the chauvinistic thinking that providing financial stability and material things is merit for a woman to fall second in line behind her man. That’s not how you praise your queen Khaled.

You also don’t praise her by putting your sexual needs and desires before hers. Whether she’s a fan of tongue strolls downtown or not, he’s clearing prioritizing his needs over his wife’s, all under the guise that because his paycheck is bigger so is his right to head. The pleasure principle is all types of wrong here.

Love is a two-way street that both parties must walk an equal distance down. While Khaled may bring in a few more zeros than his wife, I’m sure the peace, emotional stability, support and lifelong task of raising their child far exceed the return on a Drake track. Also, if Khaled at home is anything like his public persona, his wife must also endure whatever footwork he thinks he’s doing and what I suspect is the most annoying ejaculation catch phrase of all time, “…and another one!” And for that, she deserves.

Bottom line, get it how you live it, but live it equally and void of any gender biases and dumb bedroom admissions to a national media outlet if possible.

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