LOVERS BEWARE: 7 Things to Consider Before Returning to a Cheater

By Chevonne Harris–

Every person who’s been cheated on has been forced with making a decision: send their philandering partner packing or surrender to a second chance at love, hoping that monogamy will be their guy or gal’s friend the next time around.

While saying “everything you own in a box, to the left!” seems like a no-brainer, for some, the rapture of love is too hard to dismiss so easily. If you’re grappling with such a choice, here are a few things you ought to consider:

1. Privacy Protocol

When Toya Miles’ husband of three years committed adultery, Miles, 34, demanded unlimited access to her spouse’s email, cell phone and social media accounts before finally deciding to restore the relationship. While it’s normal for someone to police their partner immediately after infidelity (experts say 1 – 3 months is the norm), more monitoring can sometimes mean more problems according to Elana Clark-Faler, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in relationship counseling and sex therapy. Not only does long-term policing shine a spotlight on a partner’s unresolved trust issues, Clark-Faler says it is also a key indicator of low self-esteem, a lethal combination that could result in a partner or spouse cheating again.

2. Shutout the Naysayers

Like kryptonite was to Superman, entertaining outside opinions can be just as detrimental to a relationship. For LaShaun Booker*, 27, it was the side-eyes, whispers and negative comments from family and friends that prompted her to end a 4-year relationship with her fiancé following his one-night stand. “I began to feel guilty and ashamed for taking him back and I felt like something was wrong with me,” she said.

The solution to dealing with the peanut gallery?“Keep them out of your business,” says Terry Bam, relationship coach and author of The Mind of a Womanizer. “Tell them all the positive things and keep the other things between you, him and God, or someone else that’s a professional who is going to help you, not judge you.”

3. Slow Down on the Sex

You don’t take a child on punishment out for ice cream and you don’t have sex with your cheating partner while your emotions are still a roller coaster. Jumping back into the bed prematurely is a surefire way to complicate matters if trust and betrayal issues are left unresolved, says Clark-Faler.. Besides, there’s no sex like emotionally healed and restored make-up sex.

Read more at EBONY

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