Ya’ll, please come get your cousin, Orlando Brown. Wait, are we claiming him? Personally, he ain’t no kin to me. Well, if I have to, I’ll take him but someone will need to come and get Katt Williams from the pallet in the family room. I have one Big Mama and she can only pray for one wretched soul at a time and ya’ll ain’t ’bout to wear her out or impair her vision with bottle bleach hair.
For some reason, Orlando Brown is the only black person finding it difficult to keep Raven Symoné’s name out of his mouth. Case in point, this weekend when the former actor, self-described “legend” and professional disappointment posted a recent video addressing his character Eddie’s recast in Disney’s That’s So Raven revival.
Raven stop trolling my page, we all know why you won’t say s**t because I’m the truest n**ga in the motherf**kin’ world,” he says. “I’mma end this s**t, bi**h stop trolling my page, I’m coming to see you and we’re gonna end this like real world adults. I’m not trying to play no more games. I’m just saying, be real, be family and that’s it.
Ugh. I’m two words away from not even writing about this dude. I swear it’s making me dumber as I type. I don’t know what tree, powder, pill or Epson salt Brown is on, but don’t any of you ever take it. His mouth is a rusted barrel of visceral, Ebonics that is more annoying than Rachel Dolezal’s new memoir (which at first, second and third glance, I mistook for a meme, by the way.).
Maybe I missed something, but was he that caught off guard that Raven didn’t welcome him back into the Disney family? Bruh, you accused the woman of aborting your child, described her boobs to the world and told us all how our beloved Olivia Huxtable allegedly performed oral sex on you. It’s not right and it’s not okay. If I didn’t still hold a soft spot in my heart for 3J from Family Matters please believe you’d be tossed in the black boys bag of deplorables.
I really hope this kid gets the help he needs to keep him off the ‘Gram and out of my newsfeed because God wants more for him and his hair.
On the positive side, Brown’s remix of the That’s So Raven theme song, “That’s So Fake Bi**h” will forever be my ringtone.