Random Thoughts on Janet Hubert

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There are few things I love more in this world than a cranky, middle-aged black woman who gives zero f**ks to the world. Cue Janet Hubert.

Etched forever in our hearts as the original Aunt Viv, Hubert has once again nabbed a few minutes of relevancy riding front seat on the coattails of her former Fresh Prince of Bel-Air cast mate Will Smith. In her latest rant, Auntie Janet offers her thoughts on Jada Pinkett Smith’s recent boycott of this year’s Academy Awards.

Failed filters aside, the video is four glorious minutes of Hubert shading Pinkett-Smith into dusk. Five days later and I’m still here for it. With each watch, I find something new to ponder about. One time it was her backsplash. Where’d she buy it? Is it a peel and stick or some real tile-type s**t (after further consideration, I’ve determined Janet is more of a peel and stick lady, but don’t you dare call her out on it because she will swear until the sun goes down it’s ceramic tile). Then it was that one hair that refuses to chill on the correct side of the part. Did she try product? Did she willingly disregard it in the webcam? Oh, the madness of it all!

So in loving memory of Aunt Viv whose image as the original Queen of Bel-Air has now been replaced with Black America’s new favorite pissed off auntie, here’s a few thoughts on Janet Hubert.

Girlfriend?

First off, when another black woman addresses you as “girlfriend” and “miss thang,” she may as well be applying Vaseline to her face and lacing up her sneakers. Words like this are no joke and Aunt J. clearly established the air as a “who ‘gone check me boo” type of situation off the bat.

Miss Janet was saying some real stuff.

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I really hate to admit people like Janet Hubert sometimes make sense but I can’t lie, chick had some valid points. Beasts of no Nation was a huge oversight for the Academy, and yeah, Will Smith’s attempt at a Nigerian accent was laughable. Like, a knee slapper.

Janet Hubert, look at yourself.

Photo Credit: YouTube

Photo Credit: YouTube

No really, look at yourself. What blemish are you trying to hide that bad that you were okay with basically looking a pixilated Sega Genesis graphic? Children, please teach your parent(s) the dos and don’t of proper filter usage.

If Will Smith were dying of thirst and needed $1.25 to buy a bottle of water and only had $1, Janet Hubert would not even think of reaching into her chain purse.

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…Because she definitely has a chain purse. If this were an isolated incident I may think differently, but let’s not forget some years back she publicly called Will an a-hole. I don’t know what Will did to Auntie J. but trust and believe she’s taking it or him to her grave. Chick is a Petty Crocker for real.

Remember when we loved Aunt Viv?

LOVED. She out-danced white chicks, had a body tighter than most of us and wore a Kente print shoulder drape like nobody’s business. Not quite up there with Claire Huxtable, but a top black TV mom nonetheless. Got dang it, Aunt Viv, we really loved you.

Black lives on main screens matter.

Is the eradication of color on the Academy list as dire as having no water in Flint, MI or police brutality? No, but it’s still important. Like our white counterparts, our stories deserve to be celebrated. Believe it or not, it’s through film that others are exposed to black culture, the good, the bad and the real. Not to mention it’s culturally cathartic to see reflections of ourselves on the big screen. It validates our experiences, plants seeds of possibility for alternative realities and is a glimmer of hope that one day the world may understand what it means to be black. It also goes without saying that black movies in general are better than just about everything. What other culture can give the world Pootie Tang and The Color Purple?

The real loser in all of this is Jada Pinkett Smith.

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How mad are you if put on your good clothes, adjusted your home lighting, wetted, gelled and slicked back your hair, all to take a public stance on a major social issue and in a matter of minutes all eyes are on a flip phone video by a too turnt Blacktress.

What’s so wrong about being really black in an industry full of whites?

How many times can we show up at award shows we know dang well we’ll be leaving empty handed all for the sake of a photo opt and to be politically correct? The fact that there was not a single person of color nominated for an Academy Award speaks to much more than a Will Smith movie. It’s indicative of our culture and further proves we’re not falsely pulling race cards when we say in nearly every sector of life, African Americans continue to play a silent second filter to others we know we’re clearly qualified to be in the room with. While I understand Hubert’s school of hard knocks thinking, now ain’t the time to be silent.

Side Note: White America, we the black people of the United States officially offer Stacey Dash in this year’s racial draft.

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