Social media is a helluva drug. What once was a fun way to rep your school and connect with old pals has now become your mom’s favorite hangout and an emotional dumping ground for people feeling some type of way. But like most things in life, there are clichés and those clichés can be pretty annoying, especially when splattered across our timelines day in and day out. So to help you from becoming another passed by post, we’ve rounded up our list of top social media stereotypes.
Oh, and if you happen to fall into one of these categories, please stop. No additional rules or requests here, just please stop.
The Can’t Stop Won’t Stops
While we were sleeping they were grinding, allegedly. They are the habitual hustlers — the captains and starting lineup for team #TooLegitToQuit. These men and women don’t have time to respond your DMs, comment on memes or chime in on #TGIT because they are collecting coins. Funny thing is they’re so busy in life yet somehow find just the right amount of time to document every moment of their go-getter journey. Every handshake is a photo-opt and every networking reception is a check-in. As much as we love our friends who are poised for greatness, or worst case the next brand ambassador for Herbalife, you have to admit they’re also annoying AF. Kinda like that one party promoter in college who swore they were the second coming of Diddy. They’re hustle hard mentality is cool for a while, but at some point enough is enough. We all work, we’re all making moves, and dangit I’m tired too!
#OOTD is their hashtag of choice and they’re fifty Likes away from becoming an Instagram hit. Their fashion for passion must exude in every post and they live life under a Hefe filter. No pose is off limits and no trench coat, colored lip or loafer shall go unnoticed. Fabulous in their own minds, they’ll be damned if we find them in cheap cotton. As much as we appreciate their dream of one day rocking sponsored clothing, one has to wonder who has time for that? Like for real, who has time for that? Well, no one. One also has to wonder if they woke up like this because surely they didn’t rise looking like a Sephora ad outtake.
We get it; you love your kids. Me, not so much. I’m sure they’re great and all, but I have yet to experience the joy you feel when a pant less little person climbs into my bed at 7AM on Saturday morning.
The Weight Watchers
As someone who’s currently on a healthy living kick, a part of me appreciates the public food diaries and daily weight loss tips. I’m sure you’re letting the world know that you made it to your 5AM workout session (complete with the post-workout selfie) for completely non-vain reasons and to motivate the cookie monsters of the world to walk to the mailbox. But you’ve been posting for five months consecutively and I have yet to see you go down a pant size. You also posted your Sunday dinner paper plate last week, which consisted of fried chicken, potato salad and macaroni topped with greens and pound cake and that kind of confused me.
The, I Got 99 Problems Starting With My Haters
At some point it’s you not us. The “who ‘done it and why” game is over and those cryptic posts aimed at the world but shooting no one in particular are too complicated to decipher anyway. Believe it or not, the world really could care less about you (man, that sucks, you’ve been feeling some type of way for six straight months and no one gave a damn). Maybe your ex-BFF from elementary school posting that she got a job promotion was pure happiness versus shade toward you and your hourly 9 to 5. Maybe your status lamenting deadbeat baby daddies only got five LIKES because the rest of your timeline is sick of you’re a$$, and made their greatest life move ever and unfollowed you. Or maybe you jut really suck as a person.
The Words of Wisdom
Thank you Maya Angelou for your prolific analysis of grace and mercy, but your services are no longer needed. While we love these folks for their insightful tidbits, #MorningMotivations and pure delight in the universe, one can only be deep for so long. Their life is an ocean and we’ve reached our max depth. Happy is never happy with this bunch, instead it’s a meme with “Be Free” etched over a field of lilies. Of course there’s nothing wrong with sharing your spirit of gratitude and Googled knowledge with the world, but it’s also okay to get a little a ratchet now and then. We know you can do it.
The Where’s Waldos
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Well, they may have bumped into her in an airport. A close cousin to the Can’t Stop Won’t Stops, these guys can’t sit still. Literally. Airplanes and trains are their transportation of choice and they gladly let us know each time they hop on one. Nine times out of time they’re most likely not flossing but simply sharing their lives with us, so we can’t throw too much shade. We travel the world vicariously through their Instagram posts and hate but love their on-the-go lifestyle.
The Jesus Freaks
They luh God, they really do. Rickey Smiley memes, viral videos, church recaps, midday office praise/song/selfie breaks in the employee bathroom, no stone is left unturned when it comes to the man upstairs. They live for a #HymnChallenge and can turn any pop culture moment into Sunday’s best. Case in point, this meme.
Where’s LeVar Burton when you need him? I take personal offense to adults who are content with disagreeing subjects and verbs. I’m not sure what this group has against spell check but I recommend they subscribe to pictorial posts versus using actual words, it’s just too much for them. As sad as it is to see grown folk unsure on the difference between “their” and “they’re,” all bets are off when they have the nerve to attempt a Facebook rant.
The Social Activists
Who needs CNN when you have them. Fired up and fed up, these men and women take great pride in speaking truth to power…and that’s it. All rhetoric and limited action, we know the chances of them joining an actual protest ended the moment Don Lemon got tear-gassed.
Chime in, and tell us your top social media stereotypes.