Janelle Monae is right. “People have to start respecting the vagina.” Until men fully realize the gravity and sheer awesomeness of a woman even considering allowing a penis inside their most treasured asset, they shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near it. Not a taste, touch, glance, poke, thought, nothing.
The female body is a wonderland unlike no other and any chance to explore it should be treated as such, not the next phase in the Houdini after dark kit. The rules are simple; respect my body. Don’t pull my tracks, don’t get weird without warning and don’t do a damn thing without my consent. Simple enough, right? Well apparently that’s asking for a lot with this latest batch of f**bois who have pioneered a new form of sexual assault called “stealthing.” What is stealthing? It’s a practice in which men remove their condoms during sex without their partner’s consent.
Let’s call a spade a spade and an ain’t s*t type of dude an ain’t s**t type of dude. This is not a trend, or a fad or a kinky new kind of sex; it’s rape. Just plain ole rape, defined by our Department of Justice as sexual activity taking place without a woman’s consent.
“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” (as defined by the United States Department of Justice)
Disgusting, yes. Disgraceful, of course. “Stealthing” also speaks to a larger issue of the education gap in the definition of sexual assault. The fact that an entire class of boys were absent on sex-ed day in middle school is a problem. The fact that men think it’s comical and boastful to remove a condom mid thrust, exposing themselves and their partner to God knows what, is a problem.
Brodsky interviewed multiple women who had been victims of “stealthing.” Some of them saw their partners remove the condoms during sex; some only realized they’d been removed later. Though many of them differentiated their experience from rape, they all viewed it as “rape-adjacent.” And, though fears of STDs or pregnancy were obviously a factor in their trauma, what often stung the most was the violation of their consent.
One victim, “Sara,” says that her boyfriend tried asking for sex without a condom, which she refused, telling him she wasn’t on any other birth control; during their next sexual encounter, he took his condom off anyway. “Obviously the part that really freaked me out… was that it was such a blatant violation of what we’d agreed to. I set a boundary. I was very explicit,” she told Brodsky. Another, “Rebecca,” remembers asking her partner to help her pay for emergency contraception, which he refused to do: “None of it worried him. It didn’t perturb him. My potential pregnancy, my potential STI… That was my burden.”
The pro-stealthing forums Brodsky quotes—yes, Virginia, there are pro-stealthing forums—are even grimmer, filled with declarations of men’s “right” to unprotected sex, along with charming sentiments like “you can’t have one and not the other, if she wants the guy’s **** then she also has to take the guy’s load!!!” When asked about whether victims might get pregnant, one user responded: “Yes, they deserve it.”
You low life, bile consuming, smushed ball, funkdafied smelling, bottom of the barrel guttersnipe. I don’t know how many times, ways and languages women can say it. If you want something, just ask. If we say no, don’t sneak and take the condom off. You see, the fact that I’ve required you to wear a condom implies that I’m not a full-fledged fan of your dick. I don’t know where it’s been, I don’t know the potency of your sperm and I don’t know if a night with you will result in a lifetime of antibiotics. If during one of our most intimate and vulnerable moments you’re able to connive and sneak for your own selfish pleasures, what else are you capable of? The thought of it makes me cringe. Restraints, grocery munching, golden showers, whatever your thing is, be as freaky as you wanna be, but what you’re not going to do is anything to my body without my consent, particularly if the end result is an unwanted pregnancy or STD.
We have to do better people. Our women are jewels and must be treated as such. If that’s too much for you to handle, simply look, never touch and go f**k yourself…not me.