The Actual Transcript of the Carters Sharing their Pregnancy News with Blue Ivy

[Beyoncé and Jay-Z enter Blue’s house]

Bey: Hey Blue!

BIC: Yes, Beyoncé?

Bey: Mommy wants to —

BIC: No Beyoncé I don’t want to practice walking on water today. I really need to challenge myself more. You should do the same.

Bey: No Blue that’s not it. Mommy and Daddy have some exciting news for—

BIC: Ok, but hurry up B. I need to wrap-up the formula for my product line, finish Nori’s textile for Fashion Week and call Auntie Michelle.

Bey: Blue, didn’t I tell you not to bother Auntie Michelle while she’s on her island. She’s had a long eight years and needs a break. Did you get her number off my phone again?

BIC: [Laughs] Beyoncé…I am you and you are me. I don’t call people. They call me.

Bey: You’re right sweetie, mommy’s sorry. We’ll be quick then. We know you’re busy. So Mommy and Daddy have some exciting news. You’re going to be a big sister!

BIC: [Finishes designing textile]

Bey: Blue?

BIC: Yes, Beyoncé?

Bey: Did you hear what Mommy said?

BIC: Patricia, hold my calls please.

BIC: So you’re telling me there’s going to be an additional person in our visual album?

Bey: Yes Blue but it’s more than that. Mommy is having twins.

BIC: I wondered how you were going to top me.

Bey: Mommy can never top you but we are adding two additions to our love on top.

BIC: Beyoncé, please don’t try to be deep today. I can’t…

Bey: I’m not being deep Blue but Mommy does have three heartbeats inside of her now.

BIC: [Rolls eyes] Beyoncé you’re such an ocean.

Bey: Hmm…I think you’re on to something.

BIC: Of course I am, but anyways. Does this mean I can finally have the two live photo props I wanted for my birthday?

Bey: No Blue, these are your new brothers or sisters, they’re not toys.

BIC: Beyoncé, the world is our toy. Isn’t that what you and Hot Sauce always say?

Bey: It is but this is different Blue. I really need you to get in formation on this one.

BIC: *sigh* I’ll see what I can do. [phone rings] Patricia, I said hold my calls! All I know is if they touch my cowrie shell beads or Sunday yacht, we’re going to have a problem.

Bey: They won’t sweetie. So you’re okay with this? You’re not upset with Mommy and Daddy.

BIC: No, it’s cool. The Instagram photo shoots were taking up way too much of my time anyway. Now I can finally go to Versailles and actually see Versailles.

Bey: Blue, I’m so glad you’re happy about this.

BIC: Yeah, well let’s celebrate before I change my vibe. I know what we should do, let’s have a photo shoot!

Bey: Blue, I’m actually a little tired right now and —

BIC: Beyoncé, have you forgotten rest is for mere mortals. Get up, eat the cake and let’s go. Patricia, get me a veil, 300 Parisian flowers and a water tank.

Bey: Blue are you sure about this?

BIC:

Bey: Of course you are. Mommy is ready sweetie. Before we go, thanks for the talk. I feel so much better.

BIC:

Jay: Blue.

BIC: Ni**a.

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