This is my cautionary tale to any woman considering offering her lady bits up too soon. Oh, and for the purposes of not giving this guy any more attention than I already have, I’ll call him *Paul.
I met *Paul at the housewarming party of a mutual friend. Off the bat I was attracted. He was tall, had a slight Tyrese vibe and managed to engage me in witty conversation the entire night. We exchanged numbers, friended each other on Facebook and engaged in what most people would refer to as “talking” — not quite a relationship but a mutual, strong like of one another.
After about 3 weeks of this we decided it was time to hit the sheets. After a romantic dinner at his house, innocent touches soon turned to heated thrusts and we did the dam thing — and boy was it great. Now I know what some of you may be asking; why sex after only three weeks? I rationalized our speedy transition to the sack by our obvious attraction to one another and the fact that times have changed and as a single millennial living in 2013 I should be able to have unwed sex whenever and with whomever I chose, right?
Well despite me being every woman I quickly learned I was no Nina Mosley and that there are side effects to jumping in the bed with someone prematurely. The biggest one being in a matter of only a few hours I had turned into “that girl.” You know, the girl who has incredible, mind-blowing sex then wakes-up expecting a ring on the pillow but instead gets an emotionally detached man-child. I never thought I’d be one of those girls but dammit I was that girl.
No sooner had we finished the deed *Paul turned his back toward me and fell into a coma-like sleep. No cuddling, cute pillow talk, spooning, anything. I get it, after the toe-curling sex we just had sleep was inevitable, but this was our first time so the least he could do was try to make those first few minutes after sex mean something. Hell, I would have taken a cup of water after our calorie burner. He then toppped-off our time together off by escorting to me car at 7 a.m. and mumbling something aong the lines of, “that was fun” before going back to sleep. What a guy.
Despite all the obvious signs that I had just slept with the world’s biggest douche, in the days to come I still held out hope. Hope that *Paul would call begging my forgiveness and asking for my hand in a relationship.
Before you pass judgment I must say that this was not typical behavior for me. I’m the epitome of a “you must not know ‘bout me” girl but somehow *Paul had gotten to me.
Looking back I blame it on the rocking sex. Because the sex was above par (like, way above) I had somehow contrived in my emotionally charged head that our bedroom compatibility was a sign that we were meant to be when in reality it was nothing more than two acquaintances banging one another.
But alas my time with *Paul wasn’t a complete lost. Despite by bruised heart, I actually learned a few things about myself:
- Communication is key. Somewhere between the flirtatious texts and lying on my back I failed to communicate my growing feelings for *Paul and that by us sleeping together the ante of our budding relationship had been drastically upped for me.
- Physical attraction does NOT equal emotional attraction. Just because we both enjoyed looking at one another and managed to romp to the same beat does not mean *Paul and I were next in line for the next Jet wedding announcement.
- Get to know the guy. Since this dating debacle I’ve vowed to make an attempt to learn the next guy’s favorite cereal and sports team before allowing him to explore nearly every crevice of body.
- Casual sex is not for me. Sorry Robin Given’s character in Boomerang but hit-it and quit-its just aren’t for me. Sex is special and should be shared with a special person. Post *Paul I’ve realized that our emotional qualifiers for sex did not match. For me sex was a physical expression of an emotional bond, and for him it was just, well sex.
So what happens when you have with someone too soon? You write a slightly vindictive blog post aimed at your ex while nursing a pint of salted caramel ice cream as you wonder why Terrence, oops *Paul is still on your mind. Take it from me ladies, slow down on jumping the gun (and on him) when it comes to sex.